A poem by: Ayrlie Rae Timmermans “Deeper Than The Surface”

Our daughter Ayrlie is at war in Afghanistan and amongst the desert where she lives she spots a butterfly. This is  very significant to me as butterflies to me is a sign that you will be looked after/over and everything will be O.K. Read my blog; Why butterflies as well….

Grab your tissues:-


Deeper Than The Surface

Amidst the hell that is war,

Persists the innocence of life,

At the end of a gun,

A rifle, a knife;

Rests a single butterfly,

Unaware of the fight

As we stand-to,

All throughout the night.

This one innocent little butterfly,

Makes me realise a few things,

There are beauties out there,

Not just the war and its Kings.

Not the dust and the heat,

And the sound of AK’s,

But the sunrise and sunset,

The mountainous views in our way.

I was caught off guard,

I’ll admit that quite freely,

With only war one my mind,

This butterfly, it free’d me;

From my mind so set,

On my job that’s at hand,

Forgetting the real beauties,

Of this war torn land.

The Green Zone is deathly,

To any of our soldiers,

But take a step back and look,

It’s beauty’s much bolder.

I’m as green as the next guy,

Damn that’s the truth,

But that butterfly got me,

Made me think of my youth.

Switch back on Timmermans,

Apply what you’ve trained,

There’s no time for questions,

Don’t be that soldier who’s named;

Don’t be another death,

Because you’ve shown too much thought,

Success is our mission,

Just do what we’re taught.

I am as Australian soldier,

Fighting the Afghan war,

They should’ve known what was coming,

When they knocked on our door,

It might seem quite harsh,

But it’s the reality at hand,

They won’t go away,

That’s why we now stand;

As strong as we can,

As an Army force,

Fighting for our country,

We have no remorse.

Yes I am young,

I am only 19,

Although that’s just a song,

Life’s actually that mean.

Only the strong can withstand,

This life and more,

Only the dead,

Have seen the end of the war.

GNR A.R.Timmermans

16 Air Land Regiment


Afghanistan 2012




Life with Peter was fun when we were younger. We had a great group of friends who we would party with every week end. We would change whose house we would party at to make it more fun. Believe me. I partied hard. I guess I told myself that I didn’t give up a baby to not have fun and that’s exactly what i did.

I decided to attend a seminar called Insight. I was introduced to this by some chiropractic piers. It was Neuro-linguistic Programming or NLP to the extreme. Well i was around 23 i think and found myself standing in a room with a microphone to my chin confessing to all in the room of around 100 people that i had had a baby, given her up for adoption and not able to talk about it. Tears are streaming down my face but the overwhelming feeling of release was indescribable. I remember my buddy for that exercise looked me straight in the eyes and said to me. “That’s OK.” “You did a good thing” I felt this was right. All the decisions i was making up until now was because of what i was suppressing. In my lunch break i found myself sitting in the Botanical Gardens (Brisbane City) sitting on the grass looking out at the yachts moored in the river and crying, no sobbing my heart out. I had never cried and sobbed like that up until now. Then all of a sudden from nowhere comes a beautiful butterfly and lands on my head. I feel myself calming down and that this butterfly was actually on my head sunning its wings. Of all places it’s on me. Now this wasn’t a small, tiny butterfly i guess its wing span was roughly 2 inches. You know the black butterflies with the pretty coloured, i think orange spots on it. It seemed as though it was sitting on me for ages. As soon as i stopped crying and calmed down it flew away. That was a spiritual moment for me. At that moment i decided that i had to let go of Sheree and move on. I was going to give myself cancer and be very unhappy if i didn’t deal with life for what i have been dealt and move on. That is exactly what i did.

My reunion with Natasha in the beginning,  i was working in Forest Lake Shopping Centre on a Craft display and was drawn to see a clairvoyant that was sitting in front of the coffee shop. I sat quiet and not saying much as she delivered a really good reading. This lady is good!. Then at the very end of my reading she looked straight into my eyes and said “So, how are the butterflies?” I burst into tears and couldn’t talk. She then said, “But now these are happy tears aren’t they?” I nodded yes, still crying. We ended the session and i had to walk around the car park to try and stop crying and pull myself together to get back on to my stall. Ever since the day in the Botanical Gardens no matter where i am in Australia or Overseas, butterflies tend to find me. They are my connection to NEW LIFE.

Before Natasha found me I got a tattoo of a butterfly  to remind me of my baby girl as I will never forget her and if we never reunite she will always be with me.

Butterflies to me, mean New Life, New beginning………