A poem by: Ayrlie Rae Timmermans “Deeper Than The Surface”

Our daughter Ayrlie is at war in Afghanistan and amongst the desert where she lives she spots a butterfly. This is  very significant to me as butterflies to me is a sign that you will be looked after/over and everything will be O.K. Read my blog; Why butterflies as well….

Grab your tissues:-


Deeper Than The Surface

Amidst the hell that is war,

Persists the innocence of life,

At the end of a gun,

A rifle, a knife;

Rests a single butterfly,

Unaware of the fight

As we stand-to,

All throughout the night.

This one innocent little butterfly,

Makes me realise a few things,

There are beauties out there,

Not just the war and its Kings.

Not the dust and the heat,

And the sound of AK’s,

But the sunrise and sunset,

The mountainous views in our way.

I was caught off guard,

I’ll admit that quite freely,

With only war one my mind,

This butterfly, it free’d me;

From my mind so set,

On my job that’s at hand,

Forgetting the real beauties,

Of this war torn land.

The Green Zone is deathly,

To any of our soldiers,

But take a step back and look,

It’s beauty’s much bolder.

I’m as green as the next guy,

Damn that’s the truth,

But that butterfly got me,

Made me think of my youth.

Switch back on Timmermans,

Apply what you’ve trained,

There’s no time for questions,

Don’t be that soldier who’s named;

Don’t be another death,

Because you’ve shown too much thought,

Success is our mission,

Just do what we’re taught.

I am as Australian soldier,

Fighting the Afghan war,

They should’ve known what was coming,

When they knocked on our door,

It might seem quite harsh,

But it’s the reality at hand,

They won’t go away,

That’s why we now stand;

As strong as we can,

As an Army force,

Fighting for our country,

We have no remorse.

Yes I am young,

I am only 19,

Although that’s just a song,

Life’s actually that mean.

Only the strong can withstand,

This life and more,

Only the dead,

Have seen the end of the war.

GNR A.R.Timmermans

16 Air Land Regiment


Afghanistan 2012



Dubbo City 22.6.1999

Tues 22.6.1999

Well Peter, I and the kids are spending a day together in Dubbo City, we pay a few bills and Peter spots the Heart Disease van and promises me to have the tests done. Well 20min later the nurse is instructing me to take him straight to hospital as she is worried about his results. Well we drop the kids off to Tash and Jason and off to hospital we go. Peter has some blood tests done and a cardiograph. Then off for some x-rays to check the size of his heart. I have to pull myself together and stop myself from crying. I can see peter is a little anxious. Then they tell us they want him to stay in overnight OH MY GOD – Peter has never stayed in a hospital before and here he is in Dubbo Base Hospital as a in patient. Peter is supposed to leave for Sydney tonight but not now. I have to ring to get him an open ticket back. Well did our day change. I go home to have a roast dinner with the Sense Family and then take the kids up to see Daddy. Back home we go. It feels really strange leaving peter behind laying in hospital. Well they want to do further blood tests and a stress test in the morning. It is lucky that Peter is in a country hospital he got good food and treatment.


Wed. 23.6.1999

Peter rings us at 9.30am is allowed to come home. We go up there and the sister won’t release him as they are waiting on results. Back home I go then at 11am Peter rings – says he can come home, up we go again to pick him up. This time the Dr. Won’t let him go, said another ½ hour. I have to go back home as Sandra is taking me to Denis’s home for lunch today. So off I go again and arrange for Tash and Jason to pick him up at 12pm. What a beautiful home Denise has. Magnificent. Well Denise has made a beautiful Tuna quesh and salad. Served in a beautiful dinning room with the best china and silver. I felt like royalty. We had a lot in common as Denise is a massage therapist and is studying cranial, sacral technique. She is also a very spiritual person. After a beautiful lunch we mozzy out into her massage room. A set up to die for. With an electric bed, desk, change area – Just perfect. Denise hopes to change her magnificent home into a B & B. I pray her dreams come true. Meanwhile at 1.30pm Peter calls. He is still in hospital. By this time he is jacked off. So he walks out. Just discharges himself. When Sandra and I get home peter was home. But needs to follow up tests when back in Brisbane. PHEW

Thurs 24.6.1999

Yeah, Peter is still in town but will leave tonight at 2am. Tash took me up to her school – Dubbo Christian School and showed me around. Wow what a big school. Excellent hall. Tash introduces me as her birth mum to her teachers and headmaster Mr. Sheerman.  I was proud as we walked around meeting people. We head back home and Sandra whips me away to meet Cathy. Peter just looks at me and says now where are you going? I answer Darling “you’re enjoying quality time with your children” then off i go again. Cathy  owns a lovely house in Dubbo, we chat all about our reunion. It is strange as everyone here in Dubbo new Tash was adopted and wanted to meet her birth mother so I was the person everyone wanted to meet. I ponder if i am at all anything they imaged me to look or be like. Natasha says she had no image of what i would be like. I guess i can say the same. There are too many questions you ask yourself to come up with and answer to have any images. Well we are off back home again. Tomorrow we set off to Canberra and Batemans Bay……

I fell pregnant without having sex!!!!!! Just call me Mary

OK so you all want to know how i fell pregnant without having sex…. grab a coffee or a Vodka and read on.

I’m 16 years old just left year 11 as a got accepted to attend the Albion Tafe Secretary  College, only a small number of girls were accepted to attend this college so i was very happy. I was only there for a couple of months as i got a job in Brisbane City working as a junior for an Insurance Broker – MCN Insurance. For me this is the dream job i always wanted. I wanted to be a secretary and this was my foot in the door. Mostly everyone in Inala worked for Huttons Meat Works or Woolworths. I wanted a better job than that. Well i was attending Tafe when i first fell pregnant, so when i started working in the city i was already pregnant but really in denial.

OK OK so you want to know the nitty gritty. Well like i mentioned before i was an Australian Figure Roller Skating champion for the Inala Roller Skating Rink and we were always raising money for the competitors to travel to championships. We held many a car wash, all night skates and the occasional  Car Rally.

It was a Car Rally this week end, destination Car Brook swimming hole at Mt. Cotton. Anyone could participate in the rally of course the more people the more money we raised. Well there was this boy who was not a competitor but very popular at regular session skates at Mount Gravatt Roller Skating Rink. (By the way when i was 13years old i was the first to skate on this rink and was featured in the Courier Mail. Who would believe 3 years later i would be pregnant). When ever i was aloud to go to Mt. Gravatt sessions i would watch him as he was Mr. Popular and i thought he was so cool. He wasn’t even good looking but was a real charmer. Well i was told this particular day at Car Brook that he had his eyes on me and wanted to be with me. I couldn’t believe it. This was totally out of the blue.

OK so we get together kissing, hugging, pashing. I can still feel those tingles through my body. I was shaking from nerves. Soon i find myself with his hands down my pants and mine down his. As i 16 years  old i’m feeling pretty good right now. (Remember those days). Alot of feelings running through my body. I remember thinking, What am i doing?, I don’t really know this guy – but i’m having fun right. What is going to happen? Are we now boyfriend or girlfriend? We didn’t even really talk to each other. Just straight into muckn around.

Well the next thing i know he has pushed my pants to the side and has his penis was up against my vagina. What the hell – I’m not ready for this – I kept saying no and he kept saying yes. I was happy with the foreplay for now, god i just met him today. He tried and tried to stick his penis up me but i just couldn’t do it. I remember feeling the head of his penis right there and i pushed him away.

Well he wasn’t happy with that result. Got the shits  and he just left me there. He never talked to me for the rest of that day or from then on.

So where exactly were we? We were in the lake with everyone else. MY GOD you would think the water would have washed it away. O NO – It stuck that bloody sticky stuff to my skin didn’t it. I tried to wash myself clean but to no avail.

I was not on the Pill and of course a condom wasn’t even an option.

The next thing i know i have missed my first period.

Well i never saw a doctor and my mother didn’t know i was pregnant until i was 8 months pregnant. I went on to win the Queensland and Australian Roller Skating Championships within the 9 months of being pregnant. How you might ask did i do that. Well you will have to wait for my next blog.

Until Then – IF ITS NOT ON – ITS NOT ON.