Mothers Day as a Birth Mum – May 2012

I  wasn’t Natasha’s mum. I really am “THE BIRTH MUM”. So  i have come to accept that after 13 years i am still finding my place.

As a Birth Mum this is another day that effects us. Mothers Day. Every year after Tash was born i would say quietly to myself. “Happy Mother’s Day Viv”. I wonder what she is giving her mum today. I wonder what she is doing. I wonder if she is happy.

For the children whom are adopted and wonder if your mothers ever think of you. I can guarantee that they do every time it is Easter, Mothers Day, Your Birthday, Our birthday and Christmas just to name the times we are literally forced to think of you, not to mention the times we bump into a child your age at that time and are left wondering, or when we are at a shopping centre and see other mothers with children about the same age you would be at that moment or when visiting friends and family that have had children that would now be your age. So many times, so many times.

Most times it will be silent thoughts, non spoken but deep and true thoughts. If you have never contacted your birth mum and i know you stop and think and ask yourself “Does she ever even think or care about me? I believe in my heart, 99% honestly do. It’s how we deal with it as individuals is when you get a different result.

I know there are Birth Mums that do not want to have contact with the adopted Child. I believe it is not that she doesn’t care about you, but that the Birth Mother has been so hurt from loosing you that to be a part of your life can be just as painful because we are forced to face all those emotions all over again. IT IS NOT PRETTY I CAN TELL YOU.

Why is it, that the Birth Mother is always the afterthought? A singlemother in my generation was frowned upon, bought shame, a fluzy, a slut. Hang on a minute. Aren’t we the ones that have done one of the most wonderful things that a human being can do. GIVE UP OUR BABY to someone else just so they can have a better life. Just because society forces us to. So i ask you, why were we to be punished?

Mothers Day – God bless all those women and young girls who have given birth, and to the Birth Mothers who have  given up their babies to enrich other peoples lives so they can be blessed and have a lifetime of mothers days and also God bless those mothers who have had to deal with infant death.

Mothers Day is a happy celebration for most but spare a thought for those with much silent sadness.

Mothers Day – Happy Mothers Day.

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2 responses

  1. Mothers day.. is a weird day. Growing up I always spoilt mum. Always bought her what she would like and made her gifts that all parents say they love but thinks where am i going to hide that. We always spoke about you and had our thoughts of you. Yes I thought of you each year.
    Once I met you mothers day changed for me. I know had 2 mothers to thank. Mum for raising me and now Viv to thank for bringing me into this world. It’s funny though 12 years since I have known you I have never spent a mothers day with you or bought you a gift.
    I can’t ..
    I guess it’s a moment between me and mum. I think the day for me should be a day for the mum that raised me. For me to you Viv it’s a moment to say happy mothers day to thank you. Im not sure if I can ever have a day with you. I leave this for you to spend with Ayrlie and Liam.
    Come to think of it, I don’t think I have ever called you just sent you the morning text.
    I hope this is enough for you. I know that us meeting gave us closure but this day is something I can’t take away from mum.

    I love you Viv and like I tell my mum I don’t need a commercial day to tell her I love her or to tell you I love you. But as a commercial day it’s a day set aside for mum.
    It may change in time
    Xoxoxo

    • Tash i totally understand what you are saying and where you are coming from. The text message in the morning it totally enough for me and has more meaning to me than you know.

      Sometimes its the non spoken actions that mean so much.

      I love you will all my heart.

      Mum #2

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