Family Portrait by Natasha Rose April 2012

Pictures were taken in the park the day we met. Pictures taken the whole time I was with Viv’s family. I can remember being snap happy like a Asian tourist that week.  I can’t remember how many rolls of Film I took home. I have a feeling too that we had some developed in Brisbane while we were there as everyone wanted pictures sooner rather than later.

We have some amazing pictures when I look back at them now. Funny ones of our Arses, Crying, playing with the Kids and just random things like eating toast in Viv’s Kitchen. I guess who ever took that one needed to prove yes I was actually standing in her kitchen that day hahaha.

I remember being at home with mum and dad looking through all the pictures and showing my dad as he wasn’t there when we met.  Thinking about it I don’t ever remember asking mum what they thought. Do I look like Viv? How do they Feel  now that I have these photos?

I finally got my Picture to put up on the wall of me looking like somebody. I actually got that family portrait that I so wanted so I could see who created me. Weird to think all I wanted is to look like somebody.  I guess it’s a feeling that I can’t explain. The only people that will understand that is other Adopted persons.

It was only this Easter that I stayed at Nola and Ray (Nana and Pops) that for the first time EVER!

After 12 years of the relationship with Vivienne, I have never stayed there nor been to their home. Weird I know. Actually I was very nervous. I had a dream couple of nights before that they took my car keys and my purse and locked me in this room so I couldn’t leave. I remember crying and screaming but no one could hear me.  When I was telling my mum about this she talked about the day we met Nola and Ray and the impression that always remained in my mind when Nola said to my mum, ‘thanks for brining her home’

I guess after 12 years I never really got over that until now.

Nola and Ray showed me proudly the pictures of my grandparents and Great grandparents from both Nola and Ray sides.  Seeing pictures from the 1800’s was so impressive it just blew me away thinking about them. Chloe was so intrigued about the generations. She couldn’t believe it either. It’s nice that Chloe is at the age where she now understands family generations.

Looking around the table that night I could see bits of resemblance from these people in all of us. The weirdest things knowing that this is my Blood line and strange enough Chloe’s as well.

Chloe and I learn that we have Nola’s thick Hair. OMG after all these years we have complained about how we have been ripped on in having Crappy thick hair, the person in the generation to blame was sitting at the same table as us.. HAHAHAHAHA!

Mum had photos of her grandparents and my Dads Parents, but to me there wasn’t any emotional attachment for me. I can’t explain that feeling either. I was always interesting to look at those photos to see where mum and Dad came from but it didn’t relate to any features or traits that I have.

As I write this I look over to the family photo of Mum and Dad and feel the love for the life I have now but now I can now look over to the photo with Ayrlie, Liam and Viv and I now have that Closer.  I can see where I came from. I have the answers; I also now know blood line history. If the only pictures I ever would have gotten were the day in the Park due to Viv not wanting to see me, I would have been happy. However what I have now in my photo collection is truly a gift.



2 responses

  1. For me, growing up, even still today, Tash has always felt as close to me as any other cousin, aunty, uncle. I feel she’s my sister just as much as any normal family. Let’s face it, with a mother like mine….it’s inevitable…our family’s FAR from normal. But I love that 🙂

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