Where does Tash fit in as a Gittens

Where Do I Fit as a Gittens?

Hard to believe what has happened in our journey so far. The meeting of Viv, understanding why she gave me up for adoption, meeting Peter and the kids. What about the rest of Vivs Family?

Word has already spread around for Viv with all her family that she has met me. It came to the day I met Noela and Ray (viv’s Mum and Dad). I will  never forget that day I came face to face with Noela and Ray. It was actually quiet confrontational. Knowing that they wanted Viv to keep me and bring me up them selves sat in the back of my mind. I had never spoken to them over the phone or even written them a letter in preparation.  All I know about these people is that when Viv gave me away they had to continue life as I had died.

I never had a Nan and Pop to talk to and to hug. Never had the opportunity to stay at Nan and Pops house and hang out. Never had that chance like Chloe had with her  Nan and Pop being picked up from School, going on Holidays or even just been taken to maccas to get that 50 cent Ice cream because it was soo Hot. That’s a part of my life I will never experience or have memories of.

Noela was so over whelmed and just wanted to hug me. We cried a lot as she looked into the eyes of a dead child. She had so much adrenalin going threw her I guess she couldn’t control it. All I remember her saying ‘your home, your home’. My heart pounded as I looked over to my mother who came with us this day. I don’t think Noela realised her actions and words this day. I remember her saying to my mum thank you for bringing her home and she is here to stay.

Ray passively came to hug me as well. Rays passiveness is my inner me. You just stared at me, almost white like. You didn’t speak much at all, just a slight tear behind your glasses and a small smile to your face. I honestly don’t remember you talking at all, just stared. How did you process me, that grandchild Viv handed over.

I didn’t really know what I took away from that day meeting them. It was really weird. Honestly I was scared. Could they really take me away from my mum, were they serious about packing my bags and forcing me back here? All these crazy emotions where going through my head. Still too this day I think back to that day as today Nola still hugs me they way she always did and Ray still stares and processes where does she fit. It makes me smile knowing I have a Nan and Pop and I look forward to getting to know you more.

Meeting the rest of the Gittens Family at a BBQ one of the days, I remember walking into the back yard with Viv and the kids. Everyone was already there chatting and having a good time. It was at that moment I walked in and everyone was quiet. Honestly at that point this was it. This was my time being a Gittens. Who are all these people? Where do I fit in this Family? Am I supposed to fit in this family? I remember seeing a mural on the wall of the ladies house. It was the female generations of the Gittens. I remember her showing me but then wanted to cover it up as it’s now not the real family.

Reality hit me fair in the face and I said ‘yes it is, I’m just here for answers not to change the Gittens Family’.

Tash

 

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