Life with Peter was fun when we were younger. We had a great group of friends who we would party with every week end. We would change whose house we would party at to make it more fun. Believe me. I partied hard. I guess I told myself that I didn’t give up a baby to not have fun and that’s exactly what i did.
I decided to attend a seminar called Insight. I was introduced to this by some chiropractic piers. It was Neuro-linguistic Programming or NLP to the extreme. Well i was around 23 i think and found myself standing in a room with a microphone to my chin confessing to all in the room of around 100 people that i had had a baby, given her up for adoption and not able to talk about it. Tears are streaming down my face but the overwhelming feeling of release was indescribable. I remember my buddy for that exercise looked me straight in the eyes and said to me. “That’s OK.” “You did a good thing” I felt this was right. All the decisions i was making up until now was because of what i was suppressing. In my lunch break i found myself sitting in the Botanical Gardens (Brisbane City) sitting on the grass looking out at the yachts moored in the river and crying, no sobbing my heart out. I had never cried and sobbed like that up until now. Then all of a sudden from nowhere comes a beautiful butterfly and lands on my head. I feel myself calming down and that this butterfly was actually on my head sunning its wings. Of all places it’s on me. Now this wasn’t a small, tiny butterfly i guess its wing span was roughly 2 inches. You know the black butterflies with the pretty coloured, i think orange spots on it. It seemed as though it was sitting on me for ages. As soon as i stopped crying and calmed down it flew away. That was a spiritual moment for me. At that moment i decided that i had to let go of Sheree and move on. I was going to give myself cancer and be very unhappy if i didn’t deal with life for what i have been dealt and move on. That is exactly what i did.
My reunion with Natasha in the beginning, i was working in Forest Lake Shopping Centre on a Craft display and was drawn to see a clairvoyant that was sitting in front of the coffee shop. I sat quiet and not saying much as she delivered a really good reading. This lady is good!. Then at the very end of my reading she looked straight into my eyes and said “So, how are the butterflies?” I burst into tears and couldn’t talk. She then said, “But now these are happy tears aren’t they?” I nodded yes, still crying. We ended the session and i had to walk around the car park to try and stop crying and pull myself together to get back on to my stall. Ever since the day in the Botanical Gardens no matter where i am in Australia or Overseas, butterflies tend to find me. They are my connection to NEW LIFE.
Before Natasha found me I got a tattoo of a butterfly to remind me of my baby girl as I will never forget her and if we never reunite she will always be with me.
Butterflies to me, mean New Life, New beginning………
It’s Cack, Carolyn….
When I tried to find you, I searched facebook, and couldn’t find you…
Somewhere along the line, I found ‘you named me Sheree’
And I got up at 6am, checked facebook and I was snooping, and your link came up in my ‘favourites’
Somewhere along the line, I’ve found it and saved it…
So this morning, I read it all…. Apparently there is Natasha’s side, but I couldn’t find it….
Your story is beautiful and I think that the gift you gave to Sandra and Bruce was beyond any kindness that you could offer any human…
I cried when you said she gave you an album of photo’s… that’s something I would do… lol
I read that Natasha struggled to understand why you gave her up….
I think that they look at the life you have ‘now’ when they find you and can’t understand why they couldn’t be apart of it….
And the times back then were very different….
My cousin got put into ‘Boothville’ and had one visit on the weekends, and then after she had the baby, was shipped off to mum who was pregnant with me…
And mum knew nothing til Cheryl told her in the late 80’s….
And there are some people who I do family history with that don’t even know that their ‘sister’ is their ‘mother’….
You did the right thing huni… all on your own….
Only thing I would have done differently would have been to tell Peter, that what you did before him, has nothing to do with him… and for him to deal with it or leave…
I’m so glad that it worked out for you… see… nice things happen to nice people….
I grew up loving frogs. I know every frogs colour, size, where they came from. I had frog collectibles, rings, pictures all over the walls and I even wore frog T-shirts. Wow thinking about that, SHAME.. Hahaha.
Had no interest in butterflies until the day I received the letter from the adoption agancy.
I grew up in a fibro house middle class Dubbo. Mum had this amazing cottage garden out front which I sware had every flower you could think of. Right through the middle was a small walkway bridge and over the top was a arch with this red rose vine which always over grew the arch. Yes we had a porch, it used to be green in colour until Dad pebble stoned it and put this heavy arse wooden chair and table set on it. This was his place to sit, have his smoke and swat flies.. Lol he used to pile them up on the table. He was a master with that plastic swatter.
When I got the letter I remember sitting out front reading it just staring off into the garden. Then and only then I realized how many butterflies we had. 10 little white ones at one time. The odd orange one and a black n blue bigger one.
I don’t know why this day I noticed them but I did. Everywhere from that day they always crossed my path. Never felt a connection with them I just saw them.
When I met viv I didn’t know about vivs connections with butterflies, something we never discussed until the day I sent her a pic of my first tattoo. I went in to get a frog on my foot and walked out getting a bright pink butterfly on the back of my shoulder. Dont Know why, dont even remember saying i wanted that.
That’s when viv almost fell over in disbelief.
For those of you that dont know me I now have 8 butterflies representing my family.
Mum, Dad, Jas,Chloe,Viv,Pete,Ayrlie and Liam
Butterflies to me mean freedom and free choice. When butterflies spread their wings they have no idea where they are going. They have no mission just to fly and be beautiful.
Tash, i had no idea that your butterflies represented us all. How special. i didn’t even think to ask you. I love the happy surprises that this blog is giving us all. I am sure you have much more to share as we go on. Funny i keep seeing little white butterflies now. Go figure…….
How true is this, you (Tash) even came home from working at the Dubbo Zoo with none other than a frog and kept it in your bedroom, until you left the lid off the tank and we could not find the frog, than some time later we found him dead, know wonder I don’t like frogs jumping around, o boy you were such a free sprit, and made our lives such a joy. I am so glad you are now a beautiful butterfly and free to fly were ever you wish to go.
Do you and Viv remember the second day you meet and we three spent the day together talking and shopping then you both decided to go and get a belly ring, of course I was to big of a sook to have one, what beautiful memories. Love Mum
Yes i do remember shopping in Brisbane City and braving the belling ring piercing. That all seems so long ago……. How far we have all come since then. I loved the long chats that i had with Sandra she had so much to share with me about her life as Tash’s mum that i truly will love her forever for being the best mum she could possible be. I prayed often than she would be adopted into a good family and yes my prayers were answered. I thank the universe every day.
Woahh, i had no idea thats why you got 8 tash 🙂